I never wanted to be known as rich or well-off. Because i'm not yet on that level. But i love the fact that I have the resources. It's make my life more convenient. But i also had my share of sacrifices and deprivation of things so i can afford the things of much importance.
I just hate the feeling that i'm being used that i don't have sincere friends. They remember you in times that they needed you most especially in the financial aspect. Why can't i be part of their happiness? Why can't they remember me on ordinary days?
I dont want to be stingy because i'm not one. Yet i can't consider myself generous. I give away my extras because i feel doing it so. No one force me to do and i don't have to make my name good for anyone.
But sometimes it so hard to refuse "friends". Most of the time, i felt guilty that i did. Maybe i was their last hope and i took away that little hope because of what i felt.
I lend them with their promise that they pay back on time, specifically set by them. Unluckily, they all failed to do so. At least they could have told me the reason than keeping me in the dark all along. I never ask for payment even it's already the due date, but i know I deserve that they should come to me first like when they asked for my help instead of avoiding me.
With that, i learned to give away an amount my pocket can carry instead of lending. They may be mad because it might not be enough but it will be relinguish in no time. they'll come back again, i know. And for sure i'll be welcoming them again coz i haven't learned my lesson.
Another thing, i really hate it when they use kids as excuse. Kids are special to me. Just imagining what could happened to the kids if didn't give something make feel guiltier. But should i really be the one responsible to them?
I wish they could learn something out of the NO's that i answered. I wish they would learn to prioritize things of importance so they can manage their resources well. Not because i don't want them coming to me. i wanted a worry-free life for them.
